Cleaning House, and escaping death.

It's been 3 years since I almost died...

Cleaning up someone else's mess is never a fun job. 

Forgiving and forgetting someone betraying you is not a easy task.

Loving someone even though they treat you with the utmost disrespect, is not human. 

But with the love that Jesus Christ has for us... God giving up His Son. Jesus dying on the cross to forgive all our sins. Forgiving all our sins as far as the east is from the west. 

How can I not forgive a brother of mine, who betrayed every member of my family; and put a poison that I know was from satan himself in the midst of my amazing family? 

I can not say that I'm fully healed from what happened to me 3 years ago, though I am healing with the Lord's help. My life flashing before my eyes. A trigger pulled, with a gun pointed at my head in between my eyes. Praying: "Lord take me now, for I would rather be with You then living in this hell on earth." With my own half brother whom I hardly knew holding the weapon, to my head... 

I can still remember every moment of that night like it was yesterday. I don't know that I'll ever be able to forget it. I can't imagine what my family would have gone through, how my parents would have felt had I died that night; the Lord truly is sovereign. 

I thank God every day for allowing my life to be spared that night. I realized after that night, God wasn't finished with me yet. Though I am still learning how to live my daily life trusting in Him for all my needs, His perfect will in my life, serving Him in a faithful way. Where He wants me to abide, to live, to work. I truly do love Him with all of my heart. 

People tell me on a daily basis, "You're crazy." I'd rather be crazy, happy, positive, always smiling... Then ever be miserable again. I have seen my life flash before my eyes too many times in the last 10 years to not love every day, every moment, and every hour of it. I will live my life to the fullest, and live everyday as of it were my last for the rest of my life until The Lord returns; And I refuse to let anyone make it different then that. 

I will love The Lord as my first love for the rest of my life and put Him first above all else. I will pray for my future husband until The Lord allows him to come and swoop me off my feet, cause me to go weak in the knees, and in so doing make all my dreams come true. All I want is what the Lord wants for me. And He has promised me the BEST! Therefore I bow my knees to the Father...

Lord, thank You for sparing my life. Thank You for loving me so much. Thank You for the family You have blessed me with. Lord, shine through in all of our lives. Lord, take care of my brothers. I love You Lord to the uttermost! 

I have Faith that the Lord heals all wounds, some just take longer then others. 

God bless rear view mirrors!

Moving on...

Though the last year has had more ups and downs in it then any other year of my life, I will never regret my decision to move to California for Bible school. 

When reflecting on everything that I have been through in this past year, I look back and can truthfully say "I will never regret staying in California." 

In my time here, I have made a few life time companions that will be in my heart for eternity. And it is because of them I can say this past year was worth every up and down; on this life I call 'my own personal roller coaster.' Something of which I am still learning to love and appreciate on a daily basis. 

They say 'life is hard, life is what you make it.'

I'm learning how on a daily basis to make my life worth living. I don't want to regret one moment, and can say truthfully to this day I don't regret anything. I thank God for every moment He has blessed me with, and am happier today then I was yesterday. 

Though I do miss every person that has touched my life, and that has made me feel wanted, loved, cherished, and needed; I wish I could be a million places at once. 

I miss sitting in the H's house, with Sarah's voice saying "I love you Auntie Charity, and little Leeana watching us from afar with a jealous look on her face waiting for Sarah and I to invite her to sit and cuddle with us. 

I used to think, 'life would be so much easier if I didn't give my heart away to those whom I love.' But what kind of life is that? I would rather love deeply, and miss genuinely... Then to never really love someone.

So, as I sit here in my room in Camp Engedi, with rain falling down outside for the first time in months reflecting on this last year of my 'not so perfect but amazingly awesome blessed life,' on one of my last days living in California, with tears running down my face because its too hard for me to say 'Goodbye' to anyone... I say, "Until the next time we meet, I will love and miss you forever." 

My 4.15.2013

4.15.2013

I was heading off to the Marathon. The Boston Marathon, (foreign to me). I have never been in this city, I was researching what to do the night before. I had asked people: "what do you do in Boston?" over and over; until it got too frustrating for me. No one wants/knows how to answer this question. I miss my cousin Jody on days like that, he would have shown me Boston... (He showed me Minneapolis, MN) So.... I researched! I made "tomorrow's plans." Made a date with my girl friend who is hosting me, and was working on 4.15.2013 and I went to sleep. I slept in.

I enjoy researching, its what I do when no one will answer my questions; to my satisfaction. The reenactment was canceled and rescheduled to 4.20.2013 ("peace day"). That specific event that I wanted to SEE was not supposed to happen due to "chance of rain" I was supposed to leave at 5:30am had the event happened. So I really wasn't in a RUSH to get out the door that morning, I had all morning to just la-de-da! Which btw is NOT the "norm" for me. "Minute by Minute counting." That's ME!

I got distracted getting ready for my day. It took me FOREVER! Literally!!....

I was walking out the door... I forgot my sun glasses... It was supposed to rain, the Sun was shinning, I can't NOT have my sunglasses I NEED to be able to look up.......

I went back into the house, took off my shoes (what a pain this is; my thoughts when I was rushing), I felt like I was reliving a childhood memory. I proceeded
to run up ... I RAN up 3 flights of stairs! Yelled out, "sorry forgot my sunglasses!" To whoever was in the house so I didn't startle them. Ran back down the stairs was putting on my shoes, and someone calls out "brother Daniel."

My response?: "Nope sorry my names NOT Daniel, not that I know of, do I look like a Daniel? My mommy named me 'Charity.'" "My name is 'Charity Rose Short.' I was named after Watchman Nee's wife, Charity." This is something a sister in The Lord would know, she's been around since my own mommy has been around. Following the Lamb wherever He leads!

She started asking questions, and I started answering.

I "got distracted" lost track of time. Canceled my lunch appointment; and kept talking to this lovely sister.

To make a LONG story "Short"... Yes it's my last name... LAUGH! I order you to laugh... Come on... YOU know you want to!

Anyways.... I didn't get out of the house today. It was by my heavenly Father's ruling and reigning; I was saved, yet again, from physical death.

Praise The Lord for loving us so much. He's not done with me yet! Praise The Lord!

Live everyday like it was your last. Treat people with the respect they deserve. Build up, don't break down!! For you do NOT know what day or the hour of our Lord's Dear appearing. Just love Him and He will make your path straight! Lord, thank You for loving me so much. Now USE ME TO TURN THE AGE!! P

God works in mysterious ways

I have been humanly miserable where I live. I moved to California with the view that: I would be attending Bible school for 2 years, this is the ONLY reason I moved to California. It was not in God's plan for me to have the privilege of attending this bible school full time, at this time. I attend classes when I can, not on a regular basis; I have a full time job. But the classes are open, so I attend when I can, even though my desire is to be there 24/7. "God works in mysterious ways."

I love God.

My 28th birthday just passed... I didn't do anything for it, my friends sent me a care package stuffed full of LOVE! It cherished me to the uttermost. I CRIED like a baby for an hour, because of how much I MISS Georgia and all my companion/friends.

On another note my brother bought me a airline ticket to Boston, Massachusetts for my birthday. BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER! It got me out of California, for one whole week :) I'm visiting the extension (3rd yr.) of the bible school, most of my friends who recently graduated in December moved here. I'm also going to be taking a train down to Baltimore, Maryland at some point this week to meet my new boss. Which I'm nervous/excited about.

I am supposed to be starting a new job come August in Baltimore, Maryland as a full-time live in Nanny to a 1 year old boy (parents are both doctors at John's Hopkins). So I'm once again moving across the country. I'm looking forward to GETTING out of California, yet I will miss those whom I will be leaving behind; and my heart cries out to the lonely parts; being that I don't REALLY know ANYONE in Maryland. It's hard moving to a place you've never been, never considered... And you have this, what looks and sounds to be "perfect" job, what can I do but say "Amen, Lord? Thank YOU, for loving me so much to give me something such as this! Thank You for being faithful to care for me."

I will be moving by faith yet again, but this time with no worries of "how am I going to survive this one?" I will have ALL my human needs taken care of. This is not something that has EVER happened to me as an adult, (I'm 28) so I'm a bit apprehensive. How can I not be? Looking at my history?

I'm realising daily, that I am 'very human' and this is not a fact that I enjoy. I love The Lord and just want Him to return; because life is hard, and I long to see/kiss HIS face!

Anyways.. I'm on a sort of "vaca" from California and I'm loving EVERY minute of it :)

Something's are better not forgotten, when they make you smile!

It seems to me that time flies away these days; like a plane in a hurry to get to it's final destination. I look at the calendar; the date, and realize my birthday is in 6 days. Where did the last 3 months go?

What am I doing for MY birthday? Absolutely nothing, I'm working a 24 hr shift with a elderly lady that makes me smile. Here are a few bantering's from her that made me smile; I call her M:

M: "I'm only kidding."
Me: "I'm gullible!"
M: "You're not gullible you're too smart, I couldn't ever get you to believe something that isn't true."
Me: "well, then its nice to meet you 'only kidding, I'm 'gullible.' ;)"

M: "Take your pick: it's coffee, tea, or me!"
Me: "may I please have some coffee please then?"

M: "When someone pays you attention that's when they like you, if they don't pay you no mind; They must not care about you!"
Me: "in other words... 'Let Him chase me?"
M: "that's right darlin', Your beautiful inside and out, someone amazingly perfect will notice someday and sweep you off your feet."

M: "You seem to have a lackadaisical way about you...."
Me: "WHAT? I rather don't think that's the right word to use to describe me."
M: "hold on, get me a dictionary darlin' not sure what it means.
Me: "lack·a·dai·si·cal Adjective:
Lacking enthusiasm and determination; carelessly lazy."
M: "OH, well then I TAKE IT BACK! You're completely opposite of lackadaisical!"

M: "Well now, I don't know if I'm on foot or horse back."
Me: what's that supposed to mean?
M: Well, It means I don't know what's going on.
Me: OH, Lol! Sorry, shall I guide the horse about for you; Want to go on a walk about?

M: "my auntie used to say to me: 'I'm busier then a cranberry merchant."
Me: "why?"
M: "because, she didn't want me bothering her while she baked pies!"
Me: "oh, sorry about that."
M: "why are you sorry? You're not my aunt."
Me: "Well, I just figured somebody needed to apologize."

And off I go... To spend time with someone else that makes me smile!
Smile today, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!

Commute / safe driving / Positives

I was reflecting this morning while driving to work.

Why is it that everyone is in such a hurry all the time?

I really don't understand why everyone seems to think its a good thing to be in a rush all the time.

Why do people drive recklessly?
Why do people speed while driving? Why is it that everyone seems to drive very angrily?

I was told by my Father from a very young age to "drive safely."

In my opinion driving safely is not to drive: in a rush, always in a hurry, speeding, cutting people off, etc. All the negatives that I just mentioned.

It seems that all those things could give one reason to be: stressed out, tired, irritated, upset, etc. Aren't these all symptoms of one who could have a heart attack?

Wouldn't you much rather BE SAFE, arrive SAFELY, be ALIVE?

So... In saying all of that.

I drive with this point of view:

Leave early, give yourself enough time that: when you arrive early, you have time to sit there for 5 mins before starting your "work day." In this way you will be less stressed about your driving to your final destination, whether it be work or wherever.

Accidents are most prone to happen when: you're in a rush, not paying attention, or pre-occupied with other things.

I commute to work: 2 hrs a day. 1 hour in the morning to drive to work, and 1 hour at night to drive home. I spend this time enjoying it. I listen to Christian hymns, or a webcast program about the Bible. I love being in my car driving. It's one of my most treasured times. I am constantly meeting people whose view is the opposite.

"You commute 2 hrs a day, WHAT? That's gotta be AWEFUL! Don't you hate it?"

This is the retort I would like to put out into the world:
Actually, it's a choice. I chose to live where I live for my Christian walk with The Lord. My christian companions live near where I live. i enjoy my commute to and from work. I enjoy driving for 2 hrs a day. I get to spend that time with "me and God." No one can take that time away from me. I don't get distracted usually. I love my "me and God" time. I make my life choices the way I do, because it's what makes me a happier person. ITS HOW I SURVIVE! God has blessed me. I choose to be HAPPY!

I wish everyone would be more positive, instead of being so negative all the time. I want to meet more positive people.

I would rather focus on the positive side of life, then dwell on the negative. TOO much negative in this world.

Lord, thank You for positives!

Take every room Lord, Make Your home in my heart!!

I have been having some weird experiences as of late.

I've never been here ... This place in life. It is a brand new experience for me. Though outwardly I'm happy, and inwardly I'm satisfied and happy; There is something missing. I know what it is, but I do not know where he is. So, I'm stuck; waiting and praying. Much prayer and petition, letting my request be made know with thanksgiving.

Reflecting and praying about what's next in my life.

The only answers I am getting right now, are not ones that are too clear other than this one: "be patient my child." Patience is a virtue I've been told. But, the one who said that, I believe was a patient one, or at least had the knowledge of what TRUE patience is. Because to be truly patient... How does one become truly patient? I'm not quite sure, because I'm really very terrible at waiting, for anything.

I'm the person that doesn't like lines. I would rather go to the grocery store in the middle of the night, when no one is around. Rather, then being safe and going in the light of day.

I can not stand hitting a red light. They drive me crazy, and I'm literally already driving!!

So I'm learning... In everything to be patient. I am taking The Lord as my patience...

I have to stand in a line, I call on the name of the Lord. 'Oh, Lord Jesus!'

Every light I come to turns RED; right before I drive up to it... I call on the name of the Lord. 'Oh, Lord Jesus!'

Through every 'fault' I have, that I really hated before; I am learning to love them and to thank the Lord for those so called 'faults' I have. It is because of those 'faults' I'm building up my spiritual muscles and gaining the Lord more each and every moment of everyday, by calling on His precious name!

"Lord Jesus, I love You! Thank You for my down falls, my 'faults!' For I can gain You through these things. Lord, keep transforming me through the little things. Lord, keep me open to You. Mold me shape me Lord! Make home in every room of my heart. I just love You!"