Cleaning House, and escaping death.

It's been 3 years since I almost died...

Cleaning up someone else's mess is never a fun job. 

Forgiving and forgetting someone betraying you is not a easy task.

Loving someone even though they treat you with the utmost disrespect, is not human. 

But with the love that Jesus Christ has for us... God giving up His Son. Jesus dying on the cross to forgive all our sins. Forgiving all our sins as far as the east is from the west. 

How can I not forgive a brother of mine, who betrayed every member of my family; and put a poison that I know was from satan himself in the midst of my amazing family? 

I can not say that I'm fully healed from what happened to me 3 years ago, though I am healing with the Lord's help. My life flashing before my eyes. A trigger pulled, with a gun pointed at my head in between my eyes. Praying: "Lord take me now, for I would rather be with You then living in this hell on earth." With my own half brother whom I hardly knew holding the weapon, to my head... 

I can still remember every moment of that night like it was yesterday. I don't know that I'll ever be able to forget it. I can't imagine what my family would have gone through, how my parents would have felt had I died that night; the Lord truly is sovereign. 

I thank God every day for allowing my life to be spared that night. I realized after that night, God wasn't finished with me yet. Though I am still learning how to live my daily life trusting in Him for all my needs, His perfect will in my life, serving Him in a faithful way. Where He wants me to abide, to live, to work. I truly do love Him with all of my heart. 

People tell me on a daily basis, "You're crazy." I'd rather be crazy, happy, positive, always smiling... Then ever be miserable again. I have seen my life flash before my eyes too many times in the last 10 years to not love every day, every moment, and every hour of it. I will live my life to the fullest, and live everyday as of it were my last for the rest of my life until The Lord returns; And I refuse to let anyone make it different then that. 

I will love The Lord as my first love for the rest of my life and put Him first above all else. I will pray for my future husband until The Lord allows him to come and swoop me off my feet, cause me to go weak in the knees, and in so doing make all my dreams come true. All I want is what the Lord wants for me. And He has promised me the BEST! Therefore I bow my knees to the Father...

Lord, thank You for sparing my life. Thank You for loving me so much. Thank You for the family You have blessed me with. Lord, shine through in all of our lives. Lord, take care of my brothers. I love You Lord to the uttermost! 

I have Faith that the Lord heals all wounds, some just take longer then others. 

Love

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

2. The Definition of Love vv.4-7

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a says: "Love suffers long. Love is kind; it is not jealous. Love does not brag and is not puffed up; It does not behave unbecomingly and does not seek its own things; it is not provoked and does not take account of evil; It does not rejoice because of unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; It covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never falls away"

8fn1 (Never) Survives everything, holds its place. Love survives everything and holds its place forever. It never fails, never fades out or comes to an end. It is like the eternal life of God. Only love is a characteristic of a mature man and will last for eternity. Hence, when we live and act by love, we have a foretaste of the next age and of eternity. 

I'm in love with my the Lord. I fully believe that "God is love." I used to think I could love without God. But I know that I can't love without God, because God is love. I love my family, I love my friends. I love a lot. I truly try and show kindness to strangers. I try my best to live a life according to that which my God and Father has set as a pattern before me. I fail daily. I have learned that I can not do anything of myself, I NEED the Lord! As my guidance, and at my side walking daily with me moment by moment as my supply. So, that I can be fully happy, abiding in Him as my Husband, Father, God, and best friend. I have the greatest best friend. The Lord Jesus!! 

John 15:9 says: "As the Father has loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love."

I want to abide in His love for all eternity!

John 15:16-17 says: "You did not choose Me, but I chose you, and I set you that you should go forth and bear fruit and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name, He may give you.
These things I command you that you may love one another."

I love these words "I chose you." This shows me that out of all the people in this world, God chose ME! I used to ask God. Why me? Out of everyone, why did you spare me? Why did I grow up knowing You? I used to take the Lord for granted, having grown up always knowing of the Lord's existence. I lived my life for years, not really appreciating the Lord at all. I can not say I regret anything that has happened to me in my life, I have to tell the truth. I am however truly thankful to the Lord for having mercy on me, and showing me just how much I missed having Him in my life. I thank Him everyday for allowing me that time, so that I could love Him THAT MUCH MORE!! You might think I'm a bit crazy for saying it, but it's just the truth. I love the Lord with all my heart. And thank Him for loving me even more than that! 

In relation to those verses...:

16fn3: (that) after we go forth to produce believers in the Lord, we need to care for them. The best way is to set up meetings on their homes to cover and protect them that they may be cared for by being nourished and taught, and may become the remaining fruit, living in the branches of the true vine, that is, in the Body of Christ, to be Christ's increase. 

17fn1: (love) This is to love one another in the Lord's life, the divine life, in the Lord's love, and in His commission of fruit bearing. Life is the source, love is the condition, and fruit-bearing is the goal. If we all live by the Lord's life as the source, in the Lord's love as the condition, and for the fruit-bearing as the goal, we surely will love one another. 

Thank You Lord for loving me!

The Lord is the ONLY thing I want fully and completely!

Loving You, Lord's all I'm living for;
Loving You, Lord, to the uttermost.
Lord, forgive me if I've left my first love,
That's the bridal love to You.
You are more than any one I love.
You are more than anything I have,
Even my dear self; nothing can compare
To my beloved Bridegroom.
I give You the first place in all things by faith.
Let nothing take Your place in all my heart.
Infuse me with Yourself abundantly
'Til we meet, dear Lord.
I'll love You with the best love.
You've the right to take all that I love,
But replace it with Yourself much more.
You are what I need, give Yourself to me,
Do not give all that I want.
Everything is sure to pass away,
Everyone is going their own way.
But I still have You and You have me too,
Loving one another's sweet.
I treasure my time alone with You,
Just to gain the best love You long for.
My dearest Jesus, draw me with Yourself
Into Your chambers right now.
Be the first in all my work and life,
Be the first in all my service too.
In relationships, You must be the first; 
Have preeminence in me.


Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/ns/107#ixzz1k6mcrULB

Song of the Month

Coldplay - Violet Hill

Was a long and dark December
From the rooftops I remember
There was snow
White snow

Clearly I remember
From the windows they were watching
While we froze
Down below

When the future's architectured
By a carnival of idiots on show
You'd better lie low

If you love me
Won't you let me know?

Was a long and dark December
When the banks became cathedrals
And the fog
Became God

Priests clutched onto bibles
Hollowed out to fit their rifles
And the cross was held aloft

Bury me in armor
When I'm dead and hit the ground
A love back home unfolds

If you love me
Won't you let me know?

I don't want to be a soldier
Who the captain of some sinking ship
Would stow, far below

So if you love me
Why'd you let me go?

I took my love down to Violet Hill
There we sat in snow
All that time she was silent still

So if you love me
Won't you let me know?

If you love me,
Won't you let me know?

Prayers

I believe more then ever God is the most awesome thing in this universe. He answers prayers like there is no tomorrow. And I see now why there are so many who can love Him unconditionally. I like to pray "LORD, MAKE ME ONE THAT LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY!"

I have been going through a lot this past year and it has caused me to be and fall SO much more in love with our Lord! I pray and He answers. Sometimes not right away, but... He comes through one way or another! Thank you Lord that you love us so much! I will love you as my first love for the rest of time!

This past weekend I was in Charlotte, NC and there was something said by the best man that really suck with me "His best friend from childhood said.. "Jeremy has always been the overbearing brother always loving the Lord and wanting to pray before the meeting for the meeting.. And it just goes to show that loving the Lord as much as he does as his first love brings you the best kind of love, through the Lord, from the Lord, from a sister, who loves the Lord just as much as he does. (that's a long twisted sentence :)" But it just showed me that, love the Lord as your very first love and... The Lord will bless You with the perfect 2nd love :). I want that!

Also the Lord's days morning meeting was on suffering. I was just so impressed with alot of the realization and truth to what the saints were sharing on. Without suffering we would not have a reason to turn, we need to suffer to have a reason to turn to the Lord! The more we suffer the more we turn to the Lord! I'm one that appreciates suffering, because I want to gain more of the Lord in that aspect! You turn, call when you are suffering therefor your gain more of Christ and become infused with precious experiences and more growth and love for the Lord! "thank you Lord, for sufferings! For without I wouldn't love and live you out as much as I do! I love you!"

My Supply

Just turning to the Lord moment by moment to be my daily and moment by moment supply is helping me get through everything right now.

My mom is having a hard time with loosing her mother. I feel like I need to go out to California and be with her in Dec. for a couple weeks. We will see if the Lord can work it out.

Fellowshipping about getting my CNA, and then eventually going back to get my RN license. I have only gotten positive feedback. The Lord is so precious in this reguard!

I'm needing support and prayer for my life right now. I'm only wanting to be in Athens right now, it's where I feel like there is a home and healthy enviorment. I'm consistantly happy and over joyed when I am with the saints there. I know and realize it's just like anywhere else, I would still have my life. But that is where I feel most at "home." And with a lack of car and having a Job in Atlanta it's hard to get up there to be with my friends and the saints there. I was able to be up there a lot at the beginning of the semiester. and now I'm hoping the Lord will work towards relocating me to be living up there. I was able to take yesterday off, and have a day in Athens, and a much needed day of "rest." Even if some of the things I had to do yesterday were very stressful. I'm heading back up to Athens on sunday for a much needed Lord's day table with the dear saints there.

I love my family, the church life, the saints who care for me and take care of me, those who are praying for me. I'm praying the Lord works all that is going on in my life in reguards to job, school, location, family, church life. My daily living and supply is coming from Him!

Philippians 4

10 But I ^arejoiced in the Lord greatly because now at length you have caused your thinking for me to ¹blossom anew; for which matter you had indeed taken thought, but lacked opportunity.

11 Not that I speak according to ^alack, for I have learned, in whatever circumstances I am, to be ^1bcontent.

12 I know also how to be ¹abased, and I know how to ²abound; ³in everything and in all things ⁴I have learned the secret both to be ⁵filled and to ^ahunger, both to ⁶abound and to ^7black.

13 I am able to do all things ¹in Him who ^2aempowers me.

14 Nevertheless you did well to have ^1afellowship with me in my ²affliction.

15 And you yourselves also know, Philippians, that in the beginning of the ^agospel, when I ^bwent out from ^cMacedonia, no church had ¹fellowship with me in the ^2daccount of ³giving and receiving except ⁴you only;

16 For even in ^aThessalonica you sent both once and again to my ^bneed.

17 Not that I seek the ¹gift, but I seek the ^2afruit which increases to your ^3baccount.

18 But I have received in full all things and abound; I have been ¹filled, receiving from ^aEpaphroditus the ²things from you, a ³sweet-smelling savor, an acceptable ^4bsacrifice, well-pleasing to God.

19 And ¹my God will ^2afill ³your every need ⁴according to His riches, ⁵in glory, ⁶in Christ Jesus.

20 Now to ¹our God and Father be the ^2aglory forever and ever. ³Amen.

I thank the Lord for my supply...

The Definition of Love

The Definition of Love
vv.4-7 1 Corinthians
13:4  Love suffers long. Love is kind; it is not jealous. Love does not brag and is not puffed up;
13:5  It does not behave unbecomingly and does not seek its own things; it is not provoked and does not take account of evil;
13:6  It does not rejoice because of unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
13:7  It covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.