God works in mysterious ways

I have been humanly miserable where I live. I moved to California with the view that: I would be attending Bible school for 2 years, this is the ONLY reason I moved to California. It was not in God's plan for me to have the privilege of attending this bible school full time, at this time. I attend classes when I can, not on a regular basis; I have a full time job. But the classes are open, so I attend when I can, even though my desire is to be there 24/7. "God works in mysterious ways."

I love God.

My 28th birthday just passed... I didn't do anything for it, my friends sent me a care package stuffed full of LOVE! It cherished me to the uttermost. I CRIED like a baby for an hour, because of how much I MISS Georgia and all my companion/friends.

On another note my brother bought me a airline ticket to Boston, Massachusetts for my birthday. BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER! It got me out of California, for one whole week :) I'm visiting the extension (3rd yr.) of the bible school, most of my friends who recently graduated in December moved here. I'm also going to be taking a train down to Baltimore, Maryland at some point this week to meet my new boss. Which I'm nervous/excited about.

I am supposed to be starting a new job come August in Baltimore, Maryland as a full-time live in Nanny to a 1 year old boy (parents are both doctors at John's Hopkins). So I'm once again moving across the country. I'm looking forward to GETTING out of California, yet I will miss those whom I will be leaving behind; and my heart cries out to the lonely parts; being that I don't REALLY know ANYONE in Maryland. It's hard moving to a place you've never been, never considered... And you have this, what looks and sounds to be "perfect" job, what can I do but say "Amen, Lord? Thank YOU, for loving me so much to give me something such as this! Thank You for being faithful to care for me."

I will be moving by faith yet again, but this time with no worries of "how am I going to survive this one?" I will have ALL my human needs taken care of. This is not something that has EVER happened to me as an adult, (I'm 28) so I'm a bit apprehensive. How can I not be? Looking at my history?

I'm realising daily, that I am 'very human' and this is not a fact that I enjoy. I love The Lord and just want Him to return; because life is hard, and I long to see/kiss HIS face!

Anyways.. I'm on a sort of "vaca" from California and I'm loving EVERY minute of it :)

Something's are better not forgotten, when they make you smile!

It seems to me that time flies away these days; like a plane in a hurry to get to it's final destination. I look at the calendar; the date, and realize my birthday is in 6 days. Where did the last 3 months go?

What am I doing for MY birthday? Absolutely nothing, I'm working a 24 hr shift with a elderly lady that makes me smile. Here are a few bantering's from her that made me smile; I call her M:

M: "I'm only kidding."
Me: "I'm gullible!"
M: "You're not gullible you're too smart, I couldn't ever get you to believe something that isn't true."
Me: "well, then its nice to meet you 'only kidding, I'm 'gullible.' ;)"

M: "Take your pick: it's coffee, tea, or me!"
Me: "may I please have some coffee please then?"

M: "When someone pays you attention that's when they like you, if they don't pay you no mind; They must not care about you!"
Me: "in other words... 'Let Him chase me?"
M: "that's right darlin', Your beautiful inside and out, someone amazingly perfect will notice someday and sweep you off your feet."

M: "You seem to have a lackadaisical way about you...."
Me: "WHAT? I rather don't think that's the right word to use to describe me."
M: "hold on, get me a dictionary darlin' not sure what it means.
Me: "lack·a·dai·si·cal Adjective:
Lacking enthusiasm and determination; carelessly lazy."
M: "OH, well then I TAKE IT BACK! You're completely opposite of lackadaisical!"

M: "Well now, I don't know if I'm on foot or horse back."
Me: what's that supposed to mean?
M: Well, It means I don't know what's going on.
Me: OH, Lol! Sorry, shall I guide the horse about for you; Want to go on a walk about?

M: "my auntie used to say to me: 'I'm busier then a cranberry merchant."
Me: "why?"
M: "because, she didn't want me bothering her while she baked pies!"
Me: "oh, sorry about that."
M: "why are you sorry? You're not my aunt."
Me: "Well, I just figured somebody needed to apologize."

And off I go... To spend time with someone else that makes me smile!
Smile today, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!

Commute / safe driving / Positives

I was reflecting this morning while driving to work.

Why is it that everyone is in such a hurry all the time?

I really don't understand why everyone seems to think its a good thing to be in a rush all the time.

Why do people drive recklessly?
Why do people speed while driving? Why is it that everyone seems to drive very angrily?

I was told by my Father from a very young age to "drive safely."

In my opinion driving safely is not to drive: in a rush, always in a hurry, speeding, cutting people off, etc. All the negatives that I just mentioned.

It seems that all those things could give one reason to be: stressed out, tired, irritated, upset, etc. Aren't these all symptoms of one who could have a heart attack?

Wouldn't you much rather BE SAFE, arrive SAFELY, be ALIVE?

So... In saying all of that.

I drive with this point of view:

Leave early, give yourself enough time that: when you arrive early, you have time to sit there for 5 mins before starting your "work day." In this way you will be less stressed about your driving to your final destination, whether it be work or wherever.

Accidents are most prone to happen when: you're in a rush, not paying attention, or pre-occupied with other things.

I commute to work: 2 hrs a day. 1 hour in the morning to drive to work, and 1 hour at night to drive home. I spend this time enjoying it. I listen to Christian hymns, or a webcast program about the Bible. I love being in my car driving. It's one of my most treasured times. I am constantly meeting people whose view is the opposite.

"You commute 2 hrs a day, WHAT? That's gotta be AWEFUL! Don't you hate it?"

This is the retort I would like to put out into the world:
Actually, it's a choice. I chose to live where I live for my Christian walk with The Lord. My christian companions live near where I live. i enjoy my commute to and from work. I enjoy driving for 2 hrs a day. I get to spend that time with "me and God." No one can take that time away from me. I don't get distracted usually. I love my "me and God" time. I make my life choices the way I do, because it's what makes me a happier person. ITS HOW I SURVIVE! God has blessed me. I choose to be HAPPY!

I wish everyone would be more positive, instead of being so negative all the time. I want to meet more positive people.

I would rather focus on the positive side of life, then dwell on the negative. TOO much negative in this world.

Lord, thank You for positives!

Take every room Lord, Make Your home in my heart!!

I have been having some weird experiences as of late.

I've never been here ... This place in life. It is a brand new experience for me. Though outwardly I'm happy, and inwardly I'm satisfied and happy; There is something missing. I know what it is, but I do not know where he is. So, I'm stuck; waiting and praying. Much prayer and petition, letting my request be made know with thanksgiving.

Reflecting and praying about what's next in my life.

The only answers I am getting right now, are not ones that are too clear other than this one: "be patient my child." Patience is a virtue I've been told. But, the one who said that, I believe was a patient one, or at least had the knowledge of what TRUE patience is. Because to be truly patient... How does one become truly patient? I'm not quite sure, because I'm really very terrible at waiting, for anything.

I'm the person that doesn't like lines. I would rather go to the grocery store in the middle of the night, when no one is around. Rather, then being safe and going in the light of day.

I can not stand hitting a red light. They drive me crazy, and I'm literally already driving!!

So I'm learning... In everything to be patient. I am taking The Lord as my patience...

I have to stand in a line, I call on the name of the Lord. 'Oh, Lord Jesus!'

Every light I come to turns RED; right before I drive up to it... I call on the name of the Lord. 'Oh, Lord Jesus!'

Through every 'fault' I have, that I really hated before; I am learning to love them and to thank the Lord for those so called 'faults' I have. It is because of those 'faults' I'm building up my spiritual muscles and gaining the Lord more each and every moment of everyday, by calling on His precious name!

"Lord Jesus, I love You! Thank You for my down falls, my 'faults!' For I can gain You through these things. Lord, keep transforming me through the little things. Lord, keep me open to You. Mold me shape me Lord! Make home in every room of my heart. I just love You!"

Reflections on 2012

Spiritual Growth Reflections of the year 2012:

At the beginning of the year 2012. I made a personal decision to; no matter what, I was going to read at least 1 chapter if not more of the Bible everyday.

I started by reading 5 chapters of the Old Testament and 1 of the New Testament a day. I have accomplished my goal! Because of this past year of reading, I will be reading the Bible everyday for the rest of me life! I have developed a love and hunger for the Lord's Word! For through reading, I have come to have a Love for The Lord, for His people, for His goal, for His hearts desire.

I reflect back on what I was in the year 2011. How I lived my life, and how much I have personally changed. And I am astounded!

I am happier than I have ever been in my life, because I have a love for The Lord that I never had before. I am loving Him first above all things. I'm learning to trust in Him, to follow Him, to look to Him for answers to all my questions and problems. To talk to Him every moment of everyday. To treat Him like the most perfect someone that He is. He loved me SO MUCH that He gave His life for me, so that I could be saved and so that I could love Him as much as He loved me. He has given me so many chances, though I fail again and again at loving Him, He STILL loves me and opens His arms wide when I run back to Him! So Im loving Him as much as I am able, Pouring my all on Him. Though this physical life can sometimes (most the time) weigh us all down... The Lord is SO sweet to take the weight and put it on His shoulders to carry it all away. So I will keep turning to Him for help forever! No matter happy or sad, no matter what I am going through... I will love The Lord with my entire heart, for the rest of my life.

Prayer: "Lord take every room in my heart!"

Lord, I give You the rest of my life to gain me more and more, day by day, moment by moment. Please make home in every room of my heart. I can not make it in this world without You! I love You!

The Song I have sang every morning this year to The Lord:

My heart longs for absolute surrender
That I'd wholly consecrated be,
Not in word alone but all my being
Would be fully given unto Thee.
There is little willingness within me
To place all I am before Thy feet,
So I lay my hands on Thy dear head, Lord
As the burnt off'ring, perfect, complete.
Lord, You are the only One who offered
Yourself without reluctance unto God;
Full obedience to the Father given,
Absolute, You sacrificed Your all.
As this One, You're dwelling in my spirit;
Moving, spreading outward day by day.
There's a whisper of Amen within me
In response to all that You would say.
I say Yes and give You full permission
To touch every corner of my heart;
Break through all the barriers in my being;
Do not let me withhold any part.
'Tis my joy to give You all the ground, Lord;
Make my heart a dwelling place for You;
I want You to be at home within me;
Come and settle down in every room.
Lord, do cleanse my heart from all self-seeking
That I'd truly want nothing but Thee;
Let my soul be occupied, possessed, Lord,
That You would be magnified in me.

The Sleeve of my Heart

Wearing my heart on my sleeve here for a min... The lyrics of this song struck something in me. This verse in particular hit a really BIG soft spot tonight and made me burst into desperate prayers to the Lord!:

"Mold me, shape me, Lord.
Be my reality.
"EVEN BREAK MY HEART,
IF IT HAS TO BE.
I'M DESPERATE, LORD, THAT YOU WOULD HAVE YOUR WAY WITH ME."
Others could touch You then through me."

Recently, I had something that I've wanted all my life dangled in my face, then swiped away in an instant from me and the Lord said "No, my child that is NOT my plan for you in this time..." My heart is broken, it has been shattered into a thousand pieces, and all I find myself doing constantly is crying to the Lord; "Lord, what do You want with my life? Lord, I don't want my life! Lord, take my life, do with it what You see fit, because it's not my life it's Yours! I owe my life to You, so take it! Show me what You want Lord! Because... You aren't letting MY plans happen... So what ARE Your plans? REVEAL Yourself to me Lord!"

This is my constant day to day prayer currently, and so far... I have no answers, but I have faith the Lord will reveal His purpose for my life... Someday... But until that day, I pray "Lord give me the faith and the endurance, to keep trusting You with my entire broken heart, with my life. Lord, pick up the pieces of my heart and put them back together with Your loving hands! Show me Your love. Because I desire nothing else other than to love You!"

Here are the lyrics to the entire song:

Though I love You, Lord,
My life seems all deformed.
I give my life to You—
Then drift away.
Lord, may I ask You that You'd draw me yet again,
And keep me running after You.

Chorus:
Lord, I've seen Your purpose.
Your heart's unveiled to me.
Now I'd just like to see You gain me fully.
Though You I often limit
And fail by compromise,
Keep me in the index of Your eyes.

Lord, I want Your best.
I want Your full blessing.
I don't want any less,
Though good it be.
Have mercy, Lord, to push, to pull, lay hold of me.
Keep me still running toward the prize.

Mold me, shape me, Lord.
Be my reality.
Even break my heart,
If it has to be.
I'm desperate, Lord, that You would have Your way with me.
Others could touch You then through me.

Set my heart aflame.
Don't let me stay the same.
Don't let things remain
Which now grieve You.
My life I give to You and all I've claimed as mine.
May I just hold, Lord, unto You.

Lord, I just love You with all my heart!

Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/ns/246#ixzz268QQYfkl

"My Life" (August/September)

Okay it's been awhile since I've done any writing (blogging)... sorry!

My life is at a full throttle STOP! "Cross roads" Lots happening, not much to tell.

I'm currently looking for work out in Cali, while attending classes.

I'm enjoying my life, to the FULLEST extent right now... Enjoying my church life... blending... Finding and making new friendships... Continuing old friendships... Trying to find my place in Cali... I'm at peace, happy, and I feel extremely loved by my dear Lord Jesus! My life is for Him!

God has faithfully continued to bless me. And supply every need I have in my life practically, spiritually and mentally! I am one BLESSED human being :)

A word that was spoken in my presence today: "no matter what we are going through, no matter what our situation, God as our Lord, Savior, Master, Friend, Husband.. Can be our supply and joy. When we come to His word, the bible, it can and will fill our every need! It is the supplying word! All we need to do when we come to read His word is pray "Lord, be my supply, be my joy, supply me through the reading of Your words right now, be so real to me! Lord, reveal Yourself to me in Your word!"..."

"These things I have spoken to you that My joy may be in you and that your joy may be made full."
John 15:11

"Until now you have asked for nothing in My name; ask and you shall receive, that your joy may be made full." John 16:24

"You did not choose Me, but I chose you, and I set you that you should go forth and bear fruit and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name, He may give you." John 15:16

John 15:16 FN5c: "Ask"
To ask in the Lord’s name requires us to abide in the Lord and allow Him and His words to abide in us that we may actually be one with Him. Then when we ask, He asks in our asking.

My prayer: "Lord, I want to be one that just abides in You, one that remains abiding in You. Lord, I want to always be found abiding in You, that whatever I may ask of You, would be Your desire, and not mine. Lord, I ask You to make me one that has fruit. Lord make me a fruit bearer. Flow in and flow out Lord! Lord, I want to always be found shining out Your light! Lord, everything of You, nothing of myself. Lord Jesus I just love You!"